Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground
by Alantie Mistaniu
Summary: Set after AC. Short look at how Cloud struggles to tell Aerith his feelings.


Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground

A/N: Just a short Clerith song fic. Please let me know if you like!

Disclaimer: Don't own FFVII or White Stripes lyrics

_Dead leaves and the dirty ground  
When I know you're not around  
Shiny tops and soda pops  
When I hear your lips make a sound  
When I hear your lips make a sound_

The wind sighed softly, whispering, sending the dry, crumbling autumn leaves skittering down the pavement of the road that lead to Midgar with an almost human quality to its breathy tone. _Cloud. . ._

A shiver wound down the blond haired young man's spine as he roared down the road, on his beloved motorcycle, no longer passing trees and wilderness but scrap metal, garbage, and buildings. He forced himself to focus on the road as he entered Midgar so he wouldn't crash into any innocent bystanders, but he could have sworn that he had heard _her_ voice calling his name on the wind. His beloved flower girl. . . . could it be that she really was calling him, or was it only his mind wishing for it? It had been so long since he had last seen her standing in the doorway of the church with Zack, a gentle, beautiful smile on her face as she whispered, "You'll be alright now, won't you?"

A deep sigh escaped him. Yes, he was alright. Perhaps not as well as he could have been, but better than he had been for a long time after his long depression. But then, Aerith had always had that effect on him, always had made things seem much clearer and simpler even now that she was no longer around.

_Thirty notes in the mailbox  
Will tell ya that I'm coming home  
And I think I'm gonna stick around  
For a while so you're not alone  
For a while so you're not alone_

He slowed as he went deeper into the city, and at last was able to hear the beeping of his cell phone, alerting him that he had new messages. Cloud frowned, but at last pulled over to flip the tiny black phone open, raising it to his ear.

_"You have 3 new voice messages,"_ the electronic voice proclaimed before launching into the recoded messages.

"Yo you spikey-haired punk!" came Barret's loud bellow, causing the man to wince and hold the phone away from his ear. "Where on earth have ya been? I've been trying to track ya down for weeks! Got some stuff for ya to deliver, and yes, before you ask, I'll pay ya. Just call to let me know when you can come get the junk!"

A slight smile curved Cloud's lips at the man's crabbiness and nearly deafening voice despite many complaints from the others that he had no need to shout into the phone. When she had been alive, Aerith had enjoyed teasing him, not at all afraid of his bellows and ranting the way some people were. Shaking himself from his reminiscing, Cloud dialed quickly only to receive Barrett's answering service and left a simple message that he could be there in two days before going onto his next voice message, this one from Yuffie.

"Hiya Cloud!" she chirped into the phone, her tone eternally cheerful. "How have you been? I'm fabulous! Training and helping out my dad, and all that junk, you know. You should come back to Wutai for a visit! I mean, geez, it's been ages! I promise not to steal your mataria this time! Well, yeah, just calling to check up on you, so let me know how you are okay?"

Aerith had enjoyed Wutai as well, had loved the culture and had wanted to go back to learn more. . . He made a mental note to himself to stop in for a brief visit, knowing that it would be a refreshing change of scenery, as well as a good opportunity to pick up some more supplies for Seventh Heaven. Speaking of which, he was certain he knew who the next message was from . . .

Sure enough, Tifa's voice filled his ears, soft spoken and kind, but also slightly rebuking. "Hello Cloud. I had hoped you would start answering your phone again after all that. . . but maybe you're on your motorcycle and can't hear. Anyway, I wanted to check and see how you were doing and if you were going to be coming back anytime soon. Denzel and Marlene miss you and keep asking when you are going to be back. Please call back."

After the click, he sighed softly before reluctantly typing in the number for Seventh Heaven, praying as the phone rang that no one would be able to answer so he could just leave a message when it suddenly stopped and a soft female voice spoke. Cloud barely recognized Marlene's voice, and was a bit taken aback at how much older she sounded. Once the girl realized that it was him on the line, she began to chatter excitedly, rambling on about all the comings and goings at the bar, her squabbles with Denzel and other bits of her daily life. He listened, responding when appropriate, making assurances that he would come to see her soon and casually asked about Tifa, relieved to learn that she had gone on an errand with Denzel. He cared for Tifa, he truly did, but he felt he could not give her what she wanted from him, could not be what she wanted. All he could do was let her know she wasn't alone, that he would be there when she needed him, because that was what friends were for. Just before he ended the call, Marlene said softly, "Love you Cloud," and he had been unable to respond, startled by this new action before responding awkwardly, "Love you too Marlene."

He hung up the phone and started up the engine of his bike once more, wondering what Aerith would have made of that. She probably would have teased him, making some remark about how popular he was with the ladies, to which he would have blushed and stammered while she giggled. Cloud shook his head slightly at the feeling of emptiness before starting off again. He wished that she could come to him, longing for her sweet presence to hold back the aching loneliness, so that for just awhile he wouldn't feel so alone. It wasn't long until he had arrived in front of the quiet church he had come to call home.

_If you can hear a piano fall  
You can hear me coming down the hall  
If I can just hear your pretty voice  
I don't think I need to see at all  
Don't think I need to see at all_

The silence inside was nearly deafening, his booted footsteps echoing like thunder as he strode down the aisle of the church. It was dim within, the only light coming from a hole in the ceiling over the beautiful flowers that he had tended himself with loving care that he could not bestow upon the one who had planted the flowers. Cloud dropped his pack in a corner where his other few possessions resided, before turning to the patch of sunlight. He knelt carefully to check on them, relieved that they had not suffered in his absence. He went to fill a watering can, glad that the children he had paid had taken good care of the seemingly delicate blooms that Aerith had cherished so much. With great care he began to pour the water over the plants when the wind stirred his spiky blond hair, sighing softly over him and this time there was no mistaking the voice on its breath.

_Cloud._

The hair on the back of his neck rose, and he couldn't hold back the shiver that coursed through his body. He didn't need to see her to know that she was there, her presence filling the quiet church. Finished with the watering, he slowly stood, glancing over his shoulder casually. There was nothing there, just as he knew there wouldn't be. Night fell and he started a small fire and ate a simple meal. Afterwards he lay there on the pew with a blanket wrapped around him, staring broodingly into the dancing flames for quite sometime before he began to drift off into sleep, knowing all the while that Aerith was there.

_Soft hair and a velvet tongue  
I wanna give ya what you give to me  
And every breath that is in your lungs  
Is a tiny little gift to me  
Is a tiny little gift to me  
I didn't feel so bad 'til the sun went down  
Then I come home  
No one to wrap my arms around  
Wrap my arms around_

He woke suddenly, hours later, his small fire burned down to embers that glowed in the darkness. Instantly the pain in his heart swelled and he sat up, swinging his feet over the edge of the pew. His blond head fell heavily into his hands, staring at his knees, his eyes stinging as he fought not to cry. It had been a dream. They were always dreams, he thought bitterly, trying to hold onto the last images in his mind of that beautiful dream. They had been sitting beneath some huge tree in that endless field of yellow and white flowers, Aerith resting her head against his shoulder. Cloud had assumed her to be asleep until her dark lashed lids fluttered open, revealing that emerald green that he had come to adore so much, a faint smile on her lips.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she had whispered quietly. "You should, you know. Its not healthy, the amount of sleep that you get."

He had shrugged. "I can't sleep." His fingers had unconsciously found their way into her hair, for once unbraided, playing with the long strands of chestnut silk. "Never could."

She had giggled then, lifting her head slightly to look directly into his eyes. "You used to. If I remember correctly, you were always prone to snoring." Cloud couldn't keep back a blush, causing her to giggle again. She once more rested her head against his shoulder and was quiet for a moment before speaking again. "You know I can't stay here long."

His throat tightened, his grip on the flower girl becoming firmer. "I know," he managed to whisper hoarsely. "But every time I have to let you go- it-it hurts. . . "

"I know it hurts," she said softly, her own tone suddenly heavy with sorrow, moving her hand to his free one, twining their fingers together. "It hurts me too. It just isn't the Promised Land without you."

He couldn't stand it anymore. Everything within him was screaming for him to tell her how he felt, to at last admit to her the feelings he had kept hidden for so long. But as always, he could never find the words he needed to confess his love to Aerith. She was gazing at him quizzically, head cocked to the side as she peered into his eyes, silently asking him what he was thinking and suddenly he acted without much thought as to what he was doing.

Fingers curling into the hair at the nap of her neck, he tugged her forward until he could capture her lips with his own. Aerith stilled and for a moment he feared he had done the wrong thing, about to pull back and murmur an apology when her hand lightly came up to touch his cheek, gently returning the kiss. And for a moment he forgot everything except the warmth that flooded his soul, soaring through heaven as he held her close. His heart lifted, knowing that the true Aerith was alive and here with him, not buried in the cold waters of the City of the Ancients.

But then he had woken up, his arms empty and aching to hold her once more. Despite his best efforts, tears filled his eyes though he stubbornly refused to let them fall. Angrily he pounded his fist against the wooden pew, the dull thud echoing through the quiet church.

"Aerith. . ." The single word was filled with all the sorrow and longing in his heart.

Well any man with a microphone  
Can tell you what he loves the most  
And you know why you love at all  
If you're thinking of the holy ghost  
If you're thinking of the holy ghost

"Why can't I ever manage to tell you how I feel?" His fingers tightened, tugging at his hair but he didn't care. "I wanted to that day in the city. . . but I couldn't find the words then. . . and I thought I had lost the opportunity to tell you forever. Then you came back into my life. . . but I still can't. . ."

Cloud's voice broke, unable to go on for a moment, only hearing the eerie whistling of the wind blowing over the hole in the roof as he struggled to compose himself. "But Aerith. . .even if you don't feel the same, I will continue to love you, in this life and the next."

"And I will always love you too, Cloud," her soft voice said gently, shocking him nearly to death.

His head jerked up to see her standing there before him, her smile bright though her own emerald green eyes were flooded with tears. In an instant he was on his feet, heart thudding rapidly in his chest. "Aerith?"

She stepped closer, placing her hand on his cheek. "Now see, that wasn't so hard to say, was it?" she inquired teasingly, lips curving into a smile. "Now you know that I feel the same." Her lips parted as if to say more but then she pursed them together as the moisture spilled down her pale cheeks before whispering, "You need your sleep Cloud. Go on. I will always be here, just like I promised you I would be."

Cloud reached up to touch her hand on his face, swallowing hard before he summoned the strength to let her go again. "I know you will."

Aerith, crying, but still smiling, stepped back into the white light that had appeared, vanishing to leave the church just as dark as it had been before. He exhaled shakily before managing to return to his makeshift bed, pulling his blanket around him once more as he began to drift off again.

"I love you Aerith," he mumbled into the silence.

There came a light tough on his cheek, like the touch of a butterfly, or a soft kiss from ghostly lips. _"I love you Cloud," _came the melodic answer in his heart.


End file.
